i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
