How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
