I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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