dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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