I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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