my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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