i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
