Michael Bay diarrhea
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
