I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
