I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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