i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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