Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
We smell like vodka and hangover
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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