i need an iv and a liver transplant
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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