Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
