let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
jump out the window naked night went bad
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
