Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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