There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
