goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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