someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
