watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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