I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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