so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
