Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
