If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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