how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
