I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
