and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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