That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
