i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
