ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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