You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My liver just had a heart attack.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
