Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
