when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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