What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
