who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
tell me about the fingering
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
