guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
