I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
