I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
