then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
