Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
