That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
