I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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