I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
