I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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