I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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