Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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