Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
