its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
