will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
