Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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