I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
