My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
