I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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