Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The beer is more important than you right now.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
